120 Maid of Honor Jokes for Speech (Funny Examples)

Everyone in the bridal party, be it a bridesmaid or maid of honor, has a crucial role to play in the wedding. They are there to assist the couple in everything wedding-related: planning, celebrating, and everything in between.

As a maid of honor, one of your most meaningful tasks is to give a speech at the reception. There are plenty of directions you can go with your speech — sentimental, hopeful, witty, and so on. If you want to write a funny speech, below are some jokes to make it even more humorous. 

Maid of Honor Jokes for Speech to Make Everyone Giggle

bride and groom holding hands

Maid of Honor Jokes About Memories and Misadventures

As the bride’s maid of honor, you most likely have an arsenal of funny, awkward, or downright embarrassing memories. You can incorporate a few anecdotes into your speech for the reception to get some laughs out of the newlyweds and your guests.

  1. “When [the couple’s names] asked me to prepare a speech for the reception, they specifically asked me not to tell any humiliating stories. So I thought, ‘Why should I bother writing a speech, then?’ That’s all I have for you all, have a great night!”
  2. “[Bride’s name] told me at the last minute to remove anything embarrassing or inappropriate in my speech, so here goes. I can’t talk about her exes, or that one time she got black-out drunk in Ibiza, or that time she hit on our college professor…”
  3. “Remember the time she cut her own bangs before picture day? Let’s just say she was way ahead of the DIY trend! Thank God she decided to splurge on a wonderful hair and makeup team for today…”
  4. “We used to play house a lot as kids. Now she gets to play house for real with a slightly bigger budget!”
  5. “She was the only kid who thought cooties were a type of cookie. And she wondered why boys kept running away!”
  6. “Our childhood lemonade stand was a flop, but look at her now, turning lemons into champagne!”
  7. “Remember our attempts at a rock band? [Bride’s name] is still the only person I know who can play air guitar out of tune.”
  8. “She’s always been a trendsetter. She wore mismatched socks before it was cool… or maybe she just couldn’t find the matching ones. I don’t know. Let’s ask her mom about it.”
  9. “I remember when she was three years old, she thought her shadow was a ghost. She’s a born entertainer!”
  10. “She believed she could talk to squirrels. That was an interesting phase. Now, she’s found someone who speaks her language. Congrats to both of you!”
  11. “Remember the time she mistook a Halloween party for a formal event? She still rocked that vampire costume! That felt like a true Mean Girls moment.”
  12. “I remember when we had a slumber party with our cousins. Her attempt at a surprise breakfast in bed turned into a fire alarm test. But hey, the firefighters were nice! And at least we learned the fire alarm worked!”
  13. “Our newlyweds are so adventurous they decided to take us on a road trip without a map… or cell service. At least we didn’t wither away in the outback! And we found the best tacos in town!”
  14. “Remember our ski trip a few years back? We didn’t end up doing much skiing, but we sure had a lot of snowball fights. I swear I still shiver because of those!”
  15. “[Bride’s name] loves throwing surprise parties. One time, she booked an Airbnb so she could surprise me. Turns out, she decorated and invited everyone to the wrong unit! Even the homeowners were surprised!”
  16. “Our last camping trip was cut short because we needed to find the nearest hospital. Someone, I’m not naming names, decided not to believe me when I said the plant was poison ivy, not regular ivy.”

Jokes About Wedding Planning and the Wedding Day

As a bridal party member, you likely had some involvement in the wedding planning process. Your maid of honor speech during the reception can include some insight into the entire process and the resulting magical day. Laughing about the stress can be a great way to look back on the months you spent pouring over details and technicalities!

  1. “Everyone, please raise your glasses for a toast. We need to recognize the people who made this amazing night possible. Please give a warm round of applause to the lovely bartenders at the open bar! You guys have changed my life for the better.”
  2. “The bride has been planning this wedding since she was five. The groom has been planning it since she found out the engagement ring price!”
  3. “Figuring out the seating chart was more complicated than a high school math problem. But don’t worry, there won’t be a quiz later!”
  4. “Where would [the couple’s names] be without the magical and effervescent Pinterest? It is truly the pillar of every engaged couple’s dreams. If you can only see how many wedding-related boards [bride’s name] has on her account.”
  5. “The bride’s been on a strict wedding diet of Pinterest, bridal magazines, and cake tastings!”
  6. “Invitations are the only part of the wedding where you can tell people where to go and what to do without offending anyone!”
  7. “They say marriages are made in heaven but so is thunder and lightning. Just kidding! The real storm was the RSVP list. I know which of y’all didn’t respond until the very last minute…”
  8. “I know I speak for [the couple’s names] when I say that “wedding budget” is just code for “how to spend a down payment on a house in 24 hours”!
  9. “[The couple’s names] wanted a small, intimate wedding, but they both have big, loud families. Good luck to the DJ tonight!
  10. “The wedding dress is beautiful, the flowers are stunning, the venue is picturesque, and the couple is… punctual! That’s a first for you guys! Let’s give them a round of applause!”
  11. “They say rain on your wedding day is good luck, but what about a bird flying into the reception hall? Extra good luck?”
  12. “Today is the happiest day of our lovely newlyweds’ lives… until they get the catering bill! Or until something inevitably goes wrong! Or both!”
  13. “I’ve heard of getting cold feet… but the groom seemed to be wearing snow boots when he walked down the aisle! Care to explain, [groom’s name]?”
  14. “The bride and groom are like a pair of scissors—effective together but dangerous if separated. Especially when it comes to the wedding cake!”
  15. “The real heroes of tonight are definitely the catering team. Where would we be without the delicious appetizers or the scrumptious meal? We’d all be hangry!”
  16. “Wedding planning: where the “I do” turns into “What have we done?” real quick!”
  17. “The couple’s love is never-ending, much like the endless group texts about wedding planning details.”
  18. “Today is the day the bride and groom will remember forever, and it’s also the day their bank account would like to forget!”
  19. “I never knew the bride was fluent in a second language until wedding planning began. It turns out she’s fluent in ‘Bridal-ese.’”
  20. “They say it takes a village to raise a child, but it takes an entire wedding party to hide the bride’s Pinterest from the groom.”
  21. “Wedding planning is where you learn your dream wedding and your wallet aren’t on speaking terms.”
  22. “Marriage is all about compromise. For instance, the bride wanted a gold wedding theme, and the groom preferred silver, so they compromised on platinum!”
  23. “Today, we raise a toast to the beautiful beginning of a lifetime of happy “we do’s” and even happier ‘yes, dear’s!”
  24. “Here’s to [the couple’s names]’s gorgeous wedding day: a brief reminder that eating, drinking, and dancing are all socially acceptable ways to cope with emotions!

Maid of Honor Jokes for Reception Speech About the Future and Married Life

Mark this once-in-a-lifetime moment with a playful jest about married life and the future that lies ahead of the newlyweds. A tasteful and well-executed joke in a maid of honor’s speech will balance out all the sentimentality and emotions of the day.

  1. “May your children have loving, kind, and, most importantly, rich parents. They deserve nothing less.”
  2. “I hope you cherish this wonderful wedding weekend you spent the last 10 months of your life planning. Tonight will be one of your last opportunities to party all night and ignore your responsibilities. Congratulations, though!”
  3. “They say married life is like a rollercoaster: there are highs, lows, and the occasional loop-the-loops. However, my biggest wish for you two is that all your ups and downs be isolated in the bedroom.”
  4. “Welcome to marriage, where the line that separates ‘soulmates’ and ‘cellmates’ is so blurred some people don’t even know it’s there.”
  5. “Getting married is like agreeing to an update for an app on your laptop without reading the terms and conditions. You’re essentially going in blind. But I know you two are adventurous, so congratulations on this one, guys!”
  6. “May God give you as many kids as you want. I don’t really understand why anyone would want to have kids, but I guess they are cute sometimes.”
  7. “They say a man stays incomplete until he finds the love of his life to marry. Once married, though, he is finished. Done for. Good luck, [the groom’s name]! I sincerely wish you the best.”
  8. “May “I do” not be the last thing you two agree on. Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. [the couple’s last name]!
  9. “Once you start having kids, do know that I will ask you every day if I can borrow them. Your kids are going to be so spoiled by the best aunt to grace this world. Hey, I already have ideas for TikTok handles we can use for your babies. Let’s talk later, okay?”
  10. “I saw this quote from Eddie Cantor: Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own. I’d like to add to dear Eddie’s words: Marriage is also constantly attempting to solve problems of your own making.”
  11. “I heard that marriage kind of like a walk in the park… if that park had no paved paths, dog poop everywhere, and ticks waiting to bite you.”
  12. “I will end with this quote from the iconic Socrates: By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
  13. “I once heard that marriage is full of surprises. Maybe one day, you’ll find out your spouse has a talent that they’ve hidden from everyone. Maybe one day, you’ll find a skeleton in their closet. You just have to take everything in stride.”
  14. “Today marks the end of their solo adventures and the beginning of their joint venture. And I don’t just mean a joint bank account!”
  15. “They say marriage is all about compromise. For instance, if [bride’s name] wants to watch a romantic comedy and [groom’s name] wants to watch an action film, they compromise and watch the romantic comedy.
  16. “Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.”
  17. “Remember: the most effective way to remember your wedding anniversary is to forget it once!”
  18. “The secret to a happy marriage… well, it remains a secret. I’m sure you’ll be fine, though!”
  19. “The future is bright for these two, much like [groom’s name]’s head under the spotlight! Just kidding.”
  20. “Their future is as sweet as the bride’s love for chocolate. And let’s just say, that’s a LOT of sweetness.”
  21. “Here’s to their journey into the future, may your love grow stronger with every passing argument over who left the lights on!”

Jokes About the Bride or the Groom and Their Dynamic

Before entering a relationship, the bride and groom were individuals with their own personalities and quirks. You can playfully and jokingly point these out in your wedding reception speech as a maid of honor.

  1. “Just remember: you should probably not question your partner’s choices. After all, they chose to marry you. Think about that for a moment.”
  2. “As Rita Rudner once said: marriage is so great because you have finally found that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
  3. “I have one last thing to say to our dapper groom, [the groom’s name]. I’d be careful of what you say to my sister if I were you. Only I am allowed to bully her and make her cry, do you understand? I’ve been training karate for years, so do not cross me.”
  4. “Being with you two every step of the way while you plan your wedding was a real eye-opener. I’ve seen both of you get hangry on separate occasions. I know it’s real love because not once did you rip each other’s throats when the other is being grumpy.”
  5. “I hope we have a historian here with us tonight because someone needs to get this moment in the history books. It’s the first time [the couple’s names] ever refused a drink from an open bar. I’m getting emotional just thinking about it.”
  6. “Oh, gosh. I don’t even know how to begin. [The bride’s name] has been my best friend, my sister from another mother, for almost two decades. She is such a loving, caring, kind, gorgeous, talented, generous — wait, that’s not true, why did you include that here?”
  7. “Hey, [the bride’s name], good call marrying an archaeologist! You can sleep well at night knowing the older you get, the more interested [the groom’s name] will be in you.”
  8. “The bride looks absolutely stunning today, and the groom looks absolutely stunned!”
  9. “I heard [bride’s father’s name] describe [bride’s name] as someone who lights up the room. I completely agree! She does it by flicking a switch… because she’s absolutely afraid of the dark.”
  10. “She’s always been environmentally conscious, especially when it comes to recycling… her wardrobe for every date night!”
  11. “She believes in a balanced diet… a cupcake in each hand!”
  12. “She’s a planner. She had their wedding day planned out before the groom even proposed. Talk about foresight!”
  13. “Our groom is a man of few words… but he sure does have a lot of opinions on football.”
  14. “[Groom’s name] is as romantic as a love song, just one performed by a heavy metal band. So there’s a lot of screaming involved, too.”
  15. “They say opposites attract. [Bride’s name]’s a morning person; [groom’s name]’s not a person until morning!”
  16. “Mr. and Mrs. [couple’s last names], you complement each other perfectly. [Bride’s name], you’re the brains of the operation, and [groom’s name]… well, you’re really good with remote controls!”
  17. “They’re like a fine wine and cheese pairing, classy separately but a little cheesy together.”
  18. “They complete each other’s sentences, usually because one of them can’t remember what they were going to say. Some signs of aging we’re having, huh?”
  19. “They’re the modern-day Romeo and Juliet, only their families actually get along, and they both don’t die a tragic death in the end!”

Maid of Honor Jokes for Speech With Funny Advice

A wedding reception speech—whether or not you are a maid of honor—is a wonderful opportunity to share some advice for the newlyweds. You can add humor to the wording and your delivery; doing so will uplift the mood of your guests and the couple.

  1. “Having a short memory is a double-edged sword. Sometimes, it’ll make your life the absolute worst: overlooking a chore, putting your keys somewhere that is not your key holder, and whatnot. But sometimes, having a short memory is essential. Maybe it’s best to forget that one disagreement or that one fight. My point is to use your memory wisely.”
  2. “A lot of people say that for a happy marriage, all you need is love. I disagree. You also need patience, a great sense of humor, and a bottle of wine every now and then.”
  3. “Remember the golden rule of marriage: own up to your mistakes and shut up when you’re right.”
  4. “[The groom’s name], once you accept that [the bride’s name] is always right, I guarantee you will have a long, happy, and conflict-free marriage.”
  5. “Ruth Bader Ginsberg once said, ‘In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf.’ In my opinion, I think it also pays to be a little mute sometimes, or blind — actually, it pays to shut off at least one of your senses sometimes.”
  6. “Marriage is equal parts give and take. You either give something to each other after asking for it multiple times or just take it without the other’s permission.”
  7. “Marriage is like a deck of cards, but you only start with two hearts and a diamond. As time goes by, you’ll find yourself looking for clubs and spades.”
  8. “Never go to bed angry. Stay up and plot your revenge. Just kidding!”
  9. “Never underestimate the power of telling your spouse, ‘You’re right, I’m sorry.’”
  10. “For a happy marriage, have a shared checking account and an undisclosed chocolate stash. Or any midnight snack of choice. Trust me, you’ll need it.
  11. “A successful and healthy marriage requires falling in love with each other many times—always with the same person, of course! Don’t fall in love with someone else, that’ll be bad.”
  12. “Marriage is like fine wine, it gets better with age… most of the time. Sometimes, old wine just makes you dizzy. I’m praying that your marriage is the good type of old wine, though!”
  13. “Always hold each other’s hands, even if it’s just a romantic walk to the fridge at midnight.”
  14. “Keep the spark alive. One idea: do the dishes even when it’s not your turn! Revolutionary, I know!”

Self-Centric Maid of Honor Jokes for Your Reception Speech

Being chosen as a maid of honor is a fantastic feeling. However, it also entails a lot of responsibility and, unfortunately, stress. The reception is your chance to poke fun at or uplift yourself for your role.

  1. “A huge reason why [the bride’s name] and I are best friends is because we have the same sense of humor. We’re essentially 13-year-old boys in adult women’s bodies. So if you don’t find my jokes funny, you’re also saying [the bride’s name] isn’t funny. You wouldn’t insult a bride on her wedding day, would you? So you’re all morally obligated to laugh at my jokes.”
  2. “[The bride’s name] gave me several months to write a heartwarming and sentimental speech. I hope it isn’t obvious that I wrote my speech at the very last minute.”
  3. “When [the bride’s name] first asked me to give a speech at her wedding, I thought, wow! It would be an honor. Now that I’m standing in front of you all tonight, here at this lovely venue, I would say the honor is yours because I look absolutely stunning in this dress!”
  4. “[The bride’s name] and [the groom’s name], I want to congratulate you two for a lovely, majestic, and unforgettable wedding ceremony. Do know, however, that it will only get more incredible because of my speech.”
  5. “I heard that the majority of wedding speeches give advice to the newlyweds about married life. All I can give you are motivational quotes I see on Pinterest because I’m single, ready to mingle, and thus completely clueless about what it’s like to be married.”
  6. “To the people at the back, can you hear me? Well, actually, who am I kidding? Half of you probably don’t care about what I have to say, anyway. At least have the courtesy not to care in the back where you can’t hurt my feelings.”
  7. “People say two is better than one. Maybe they’re referring to marriage, about how couples can complete each other. But I don’t know, they might be talking about two maids of honor, am I right, [the second maid of honor’s name]? We’re definitely the highlight tonight.”
  8. “When I asked [the bride’s name] for advice about giving a speech, she told me to just be myself. But I thought that was such a bad piece of advice. I mean, we wouldn’t want everyone here to fall in love with me, would we?”
  9. “Last week, [the bride’s name] told me to try not to make the speech all about myself. And I was like, damn it! I had to rewrite my entire speech. So, thanks for that, [the bride’s name].”
  10. “Our lovely newlyweds wanted to go over my speech yesterday just so they can make sure that what I’ll be saying is appropriate. I thought, well, where’s the fun in that? So maybe I hid one or two pages from them yesterday… gotta keep them on their toes, am I right?”
  11. “Before I begin the wonderful speech that I totally did not write yesterday, I want you all to know that if you don’t want to clap or clink your glasses, I also accept cash and online transfers. My Venmo is written on the program.”
  12. “Watching you two get married earlier, I couldn’t help but wonder, “What’s so good about signing a piece of paper that binds you to another person for the rest of your life?” But then I look at my wallet on payday, and I understand just how happy a piece of paper can make you.”
  13. “Now that the ceremony is over, I’ve finally accomplished my most important role as the maid of honor: changing [the bride’s name]’s relationship status on Facebook to “Married.” You better get on that, [the best man’s name].”
  14. “Be a maid of honor, they said. It’ll be fun, they said. Try peeing in a floor-length dress!”
  15. “Everyone tells you how big of an honor it is to be chosen as a maid of honor. What no one tells you is how many stress dreams you get of the big day.”
  16. “I never knew I had a hidden talent for arts and crafts until I was up at 3 a.m. gluing tiny bows on bachelorette party favors.”

Word Play and Witty Maid of Honor Jokes for Speech

Sometimes, a good old pun can make your great speech even better. Feel free to add dad jokes and other witty plays on words to add humor and personality to your speech. These will get a laugh from everyone—from your youngest nieces and nephews to the uncles and grandfathers in your audience. 

  1. “You know it’s been an emotional day when even the wedding cake is in tiers.”
  2. “Before I start with my speech, I want to share a little anecdote. I don’t know if many of you are aware, but our lovely [the couple’s names] found it difficult to get someone to speak at the reception.They said they called their funniest friend first, but they rejected the offer. Afterward, they asked their most charismatic friend, knowing they could really engage a crowd. That friend also said no. Their third call was to their most attractive friend, who said no, too.Finally, they called me. I felt bad for rejecting them three times already, and I figured, “Well, I’ve got nothing to lose, anyway.” And now, here I am.”
  3. “If marriage is the answer, what the hell was the question? Because it sure isn’t, ‘How do I save money for the future?’”
  4. “[Groom’s name] accidentally booked a romantic getaway for their first anniversary… in a haunted hotel. Thank you for at least not ghosting [bride’s name].”
  5. “Thanks a lot for hyphenating your last names! Now I can’t use any of those “she stole his last name” jokes…”
  6. “Marriage is a workshop… one works, and one shops!”
  7. “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? Just kidding, here’s to [couple’s names], may your marriage be as sweet as your wedding cake!”
  8. “Here’s to Mr. and Mrs. [couple’s last names], a picture-perfect couple… just don’t try to picture their credit card bills after this beautiful day!”
  9. “When [bride’s name] texted me if I can be her maid of honor… do you want to know what I said? I told her, ‘Aisle be there!’”
  10. “They say marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. But with these two, it’s nothing but endless marry-ment!”

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, what is essential is that you write your speech from the heart. Be genuine with what you say. If there is a maid of honor joke for a speech above that you find funny — and the newlyweds will appreciate — then feel free to include it in your speech.

However, be mindful that some jokes might be inappropriate because of several factors. For instance, there might be children in attendance, or the guests are more conservative. Starting from the ceremony, observe the crowd then make adjustments if necessary.

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