45 Maid of Honor Jokes for Speech (Unique Ideas to Use)

Everyone in the bridal party, be it a bridesmaid or maid of honor, has a crucial role to play in the wedding. They are there to assist the couple in everything wedding-related: planning, celebrating, and everything in between.

As a maid of honor, one of your most meaningful tasks is to give a speech at the reception. There are plenty of directions you can go with your speech — sentimental, hopeful, witty, and so on. If you want to write a funny speech, below are some jokes to make it even more humorous. 

Maid of Honor Jokes for Speech to Make Everyone Giggle

bride and groom holding hands

  1. “ May your children have loving, kind, and, most importantly, rich parents. They deserve nothing less.”
  2. “I hope you cherish this wonderful wedding weekend you spent the last 10 months of your life planning. Tonight will be one of your last opportunities to party all night and ignore your responsibilities. Congratulations, though!”
  3. “A huge reason why [the bride’s name] and I are best friends is because we have the same sense of humor. We’re essentially 13-year-old boys in adult women’s bodies. So if you don’t find my jokes funny, you’re also saying [the bride’s name] isn’t funny.
    You wouldn’t insult a bride on her wedding day, would you? So you’re all morally obligated to laugh at my jokes.”
  4. “They say married life is like a rollercoaster: there are highs, lows, and the occasional loop-the-loops. However, my biggest wish for you two is that all your ups and downs be isolated in the bedroom.”
  5. “As Rita Rudner once said: marriage is so great because you have finally found that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
  6. “Having a short memory is a double-edged sword. Sometimes, it’ll make your life the absolute worst: overlooking a chore, putting your keys somewhere that is not your key holder, and whatnot.
    But sometimes, having a short memory is essential. Maybe it’s best to forget that one disagreement or that one fight. My point is to use your memory wisely.”
    bride and her maid of honor
  7. “Getting married is like agreeing to an update for an app on your laptop without reading the terms and conditions. You’re essentially going in blind. But I know you two are adventurous, so congratulations on this one, guys!”
  8. “When [the couple’s names] asked me to prepare a speech for the reception, they specifically asked me not to tell any humiliating stories. So I thought, ‘why should I bother writing a speech, then?’ That’s all I have for you all, have a great night!”
  9. “Welcome to marriage, where the line that separates ‘soulmates’ and ‘cellmates’ is so blurred some people don’t even know it’s there.”
  10. “Just remember: you should probably not question your partner’s choices. After all, they chose to marry you. Think about that for a moment.”
  11. “I have one last thing to say to our dapper groom, [the groom’s name]. I’d be careful of what you say to my sister if I were you. Only I am allowed to bully her and make her cry, do you understand? I’ve been training karate for years, so do not cross me.”
    bride smiling with her maid of honor
  12. “May God give you as many kids as you want. I don’t really understand why anyone would want to have kids, but I guess they are cute sometimes.”
  13. “A lot of people say that for a happy marriage, all you need is love. I disagree. You also need patience, a great sense of humor, and a bottle of wine every now and then.”
  14. “Remember the golden rule of marriage: own up to your mistakes and shut up when you’re right.”
  15. “[The name of the bride] gave me several months to write a heartwarming and sentimental speech. I hope it isn’t obvious that I wrote my speech at the very last minute.”
    woman standing in front of her friends
  16. “Being with you two every step of the way while you plan your wedding was a real eye-opener. I’ve seen both of you get hangry on separate occasions. I know it’s real love because not once did you rip each other’s throats when the other is being grumpy.”
  17. “You know it’s been an emotional day when even the wedding cake is in tiers.”
  18. “Before I start with my speech, I want to share a little anecdote. I don’t know if many of you are aware, but our lovely [the couple’s names] found it difficult to get someone to speak at the reception.
    They said they called their funniest friend first, but they rejected the offer. Afterward, they asked their most charismatic friend, knowing they can really engage a crowd. That friend also said no. Their third call was to their most attractive friend, who said no, too.
    Finally, they called me. I felt bad for rejecting them three times already, and I figured, “Well, I’ve got nothing to lose, anyway.” And now, here I am.”
  19. “I hope we have a historian here with us tonight because someone needs to get this moment in the history books. It’s the first time [the couple’s names] ever refused a drink from an open bar. I’m getting emotional just thinking about it.”
    two woman hugging and smiling
  20. “When [the bride’s name] first asked me to give a speech at her wedding, I thought, wow! It would be an honor.
    Now that I’m standing in front of you all tonight, here at this lovely venue, I would say the honor is yours because I look absolutely stunning in this dress!”
  21. “[The bride’s name] and [the groom’s name], I want to congratulate you two for a lovely, majestic, and unforgettable wedding ceremony. Do know, however, that it will only get more incredible because of my speech.”
  22. “Oh, gosh. I don’t even know how to begin. [The bride’s name] has been my best friend, my sister from another mother, for almost two decades. She is such a loving, caring, kind, gorgeous, talented, generous — wait, that’s not true, why did you include that here?”
  23. “I heard that the majority of wedding speeches give advice to the newlyweds about married life. All I can give you are motivational quotes I see on Pinterest because I’m single, ready to mingle, and thus completely clueless about what it’s like to be married.
  24. “To the people at the back, can you hear me? Well, actually, who am I kidding? Half of you probably don’t care about what I have to say, anyway. At least have the courtesy not to care in the back where you can’t hurt my feelings.”
    two woman holding a bouquet of wildflowers
  25. “People say two is better than one. Maybe they’re referring to marriage, about how couples can complete each other. But I don’t know, they might be talking about two maids of honor, am I right, [the second maid of honor’s name]? We’re definitely the highlight tonight.”
  26. “When I asked [the bride’s name] for advice about giving a speech, she told me to just be myself. But I thought that was such a bad piece of advice. I mean, we wouldn’t want everyone here to fall in love with me, would we?”
  27. “Last week, [the bride’s name] told me to try not to make the speech all about myself. And I was like, damn it! I had to rewrite my entire speech. So, thanks for that, [the bride’s name].”
  28. “Our lovely newlyweds wanted to go over my speech yesterday just so they can make sure that what I’ll be saying is appropriate. I thought, well, where’s the fun in that?
    So maybe I hid one or two pages from them yesterday… gotta keep them on their toes, am I right?”
  29. “Before I begin the wonderful speech that I totally did not write yesterday, I want you all to know that if you don’t want to clap or clink your glasses, I also accept cash and online transfers. My Venmo is written on the program.”
    bride and groom kissing
  30. “They say a man stays incomplete until he finds the love of his life to marry. Once married, though, he is finished. Done for. Good luck, [the groom’s name]! I sincerely wish you the best.”
  31. “May “I do” not be the last thing you two agree on. Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. [the couple’s last name]!
  32. “Once you start having kids, do know that I will ask you every day if I can borrow them. Your kids are going to be so spoiled by the best aunt to grace this world. Hey, I already have ideas for TikTok handles we can use for your babies. Let’s talk later, okay?”
  33. “I saw this quote from Eddie Cantor: Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.
    I’d like to add to dear Eddie’s words: Marriage is also constantly attempting to solve problems of your own making.”
  34. “I heard that marriage kind of like a walk in the park… if that park had no paved paths, dog poop everywhere, and ticks waiting to bite you.”
  35. “I will end with this quote from the iconic Socrates: By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.”
    bride and groom leaning to each other's forehead
  36. “Hey, [the bride’s name], good call marrying an archaeologist! You can sleep well at night knowing the older you get, the more interested [the groom’s name] will be in you.”
  37. “Watching you two get married earlier, I couldn’t help but wonder, “What’s so good about signing a piece of paper that binds you to another person for the rest of your life?”
    But then I look at my wallet on payday, and I understand just how happy a piece of paper can make you.”
  38. “Now that the ceremony is over, I’ve finally accomplished my most important role as the maid of honor: changing [the bride’s name]’s relationship status on Facebook to “Married.” You better get on that, [the best man’s name].”
  39. “If marriage is the answer, what the hell was the question? Because it sure isn’t, ‘How do I save money for the future?’”
  40. “[The groom’s name], once you accept that [the bride’s name] is always right, I guarantee you will have a long, happy, and conflict-free marriage.”
  41. “Ruth Bader Ginsberg once said, ‘In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf.’ In my opinion, I think it also pays to be a little mute sometimes, or blind — actually, it pays to shut off at least one of your senses sometimes.”
    bride smiling with her friend
  42. “I once heard that marriage is full of surprises. Maybe one day, you’ll find out your spouse has a talent that they’ve hidden from everyone. Maybe one day, you’ll find a skeleton in their closet. You just have to take everything in stride.”
  43. “[The bride’s name] told me at the last minute to remove anything embarrassing or inappropriate in my speech, so here goes. I can’t talk about her exes, or that one time she got black-out drunk in Ibiza, or that time she hit on our college professor…”
  44. “Everyone, please raise your glasses for a toast. We need to recognize the people who made this amazing night possible. Please give a warm round of applause to the lovely bartenders at the open bar! You guys have changed my life for the better.”
  45. “Marriage is equal parts give and take. You either give something to each other after asking for it multiple times or just take it without the other’s permission.”

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, what is essential is that you write your speech from the heart. Be genuine with what you say. If there is a maid of honor joke for a speech above that you find funny — and the newlyweds will appreciate — then feel free to include it in your speech.

However, be mindful that some jokes might be inappropriate because of several factors. For instance, there might be children in attendance, or the guests are more conservative. Starting from the ceremony, observe the crowd then make adjustments if necessary.