Standing up as best man is an honor that comes with one terrifying responsibility: making people laugh without making the bride cry or the groom regret his choice. Your opening joke sets the tone for everything that follows, so it better land.
After watching countless best man speeches crash and burn (and a few that absolutely soared), I’ve compiled the jokes that actually work.
These aren’t your uncle’s tired wedding one-liners—they’re tested, crowd-pleasing openers that’ll have you starting strong instead of sweating through awkward silence.
Self-Deprecating Starters
Nothing disarms a crowd quite like making fun of yourself first. These jokes establish you as humble and relatable while getting everyone on your side from the get-go.
Self-deprecating humor works because it shows you don’t take yourself too seriously. Wedding guests are naturally skeptical of best man speeches—they’ve sat through too many rambling disasters. When you immediately poke fun at yourself, you signal that you’re aware of the potential for disaster and you’re in on the joke.
- “Good evening, everyone. For those who don’t know me, I’m [Name], the best man. And for those who do know me, I’m sorry you have to sit through this.”
- “Hi, I’m [Name]. [Groom] asked me to be his best man, which either says something wonderful about our friendship or something terrible about his other options.”
- “Thank you all for being here. I’m [Name], and I’ve been practicing this speech for weeks. My cat is thoroughly impressed, but she’s easily pleased by anyone with opposable thumbs.”
- “Evening, everyone. I’m [Name], the best man. [Groom] chose me for this honor, which proves that even someone with excellent judgment in life partners can make questionable decisions about public speaking.”
- “Hello, I’m [Name]. I was told to keep this speech short and sweet. So here goes: [Groom], you’re short, [Bride], you’re sweet. Thank you and goodnight… Just kidding, there’s more.”
Groom Roasting (The Gentle Kind)
The best groom jokes feel like friendly ribbing between brothers, not character assassination. Your goal is to get laughs while showing genuine affection—think loving teasing, not Comedy Central roast.
These jokes work best when they reference something everyone can relate to or already knows about the groom. Inside jokes that require five minutes of backstory will kill your momentum before you’ve even built it.
- “I’ve known [Groom] for [X] years, and in that time, I’ve seen him evolve from a man who thought cooking meant adding hot water to ramen, to a man who now adds seasoning to the ramen. [Bride], you’ve truly changed him.”
- “[Groom] is the kind of guy who reads instruction manuals for fun and actually flosses daily. [Bride], I don’t know how you found the one man on earth who uses coasters voluntarily, but well done.”
- “I’ve watched [Groom] go from a guy who wore the same jeans three days in a row to someone who actually owns matching socks. Love really does change people.”
- “[Groom] used to be the guy who would drive around the block six times rather than ask for directions. Now he’s asking [Bride] for directions to the kitchen, the laundry room, and occasionally, his own opinion.”
- “For years, [Groom]’s idea of a romantic evening was ordering pizza and letting his date choose the toppings. [Bride], you’ve raised the bar considerably, and we’re all grateful.”
Relationship Observations
These jokes celebrate the couple’s dynamic while getting laughs from universal relationship truths. They work because every couple in the audience will recognize something familiar in the humor.
The key is observing something genuinely sweet about their relationship and finding the funny angle. You’re not making fun of love itself—you’re celebrating how wonderfully ridiculous it makes us all.
- “You know [Groom] found the right woman when he started saying things like ‘We need to talk about our throw pillow situation’ with complete sincerity.”
- “I knew [Bride] was perfect for [Groom] when she laughed at his jokes. Not because they’re funny, but because she genuinely finds his terrible sense of humor endearing.”
- “[Groom] and [Bride] are proof that opposites attract. She’s organized, he’s… well, he knows where most of his stuff is. She plans ahead, he plans around noon. Together, they’re almost one fully functional adult.”
- “Watching [Groom] and [Bride] together is like watching someone finally find the missing piece of their puzzle. Except the puzzle was scattered across three different boxes and somehow they made it work anyway.”
- “[Groom] used to think compromise meant choosing between Netflix or Hulu. Now he understands it means [Bride] chooses and he brings snacks. This is growth, people.”
Wedding Day Observations
Wedding day jokes tap into the shared experience everyone’s having right now. They’re immediately relatable because you’re all living through the same beautiful chaos together.
These work particularly well because weddings are inherently a bit ridiculous when you think about it. Everyone’s dressed up, emotional, and slightly stressed, so acknowledging the elephant in the room gets people laughing and relaxing.
- “Looking around this room, I can see we’re all thinking the same thing: ‘I hope I don’t cry before the best man does.’ Well, too late—I teared up during the processional when [Groom] forgot how to stand normally.”
- “I have to say, this wedding is beautiful. Although I’m pretty sure half the decorations came from [Bride]’s Pinterest board titled ‘If I Don’t Have Mason Jars, I Will Die.'”
- “We’re here to celebrate love, commitment, and [Groom]’s remarkable ability to remember his vows after forgetting his own phone number yesterday.”
- “Before we continue, can we all take a moment to appreciate that [Groom] managed to get his tie straight, his hair combed, and his emotions together all on the same day? This might be a personal record.”
- “Today we witnessed [Groom] promise to love [Bride] in sickness and in health. [Bride], just so you know, he once called in sick to work because he ran out of his favorite cereal, so set your expectations accordingly.”
Classic One-Liners with a Twist
Sometimes you need a quick, punchy opener that gets immediate laughs without requiring setup. These classics work because they’re familiar enough to be comfortable but twisted enough to be fresh.
The beauty of a good one-liner is its efficiency. You get in, get the laugh, and move on before anyone has time to overthink it. Just make sure your delivery is confident—hesitation kills a one-liner faster than anything.
- “They say marriage is when a man loses his bachelor’s degree and gets his master’s.”
- “Marriage is like a deck of cards. It starts with hearts and diamonds, but eventually you’re looking for a club and a spade.”
- “[Groom] asked me to keep this speech clean, appropriate, and under five minutes. So far, I’m batting zero.”
- “The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret to [Groom], but he’s hoping [Bride] will explain it to him slowly and use small words.”
- “Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy. Fortunately, [Groom] surrendered before the first battle.”
The Meta-Humor Approach
Sometimes the best joke is acknowledging that you’re telling jokes. Meta-humor works particularly well with audiences who’ve sat through their share of wedding speeches—they appreciate when you acknowledge the formula while doing something different with it.
These jokes work because they show self-awareness. You’re not pretending to be the first person to ever give a best man speech, and the audience respects that honesty.
- “I googled ‘best man speech jokes’ and got 47,000 results. So statistically speaking, you’ve probably heard whatever I’m about to say. But I promise to say it with more charm than the last guy.”
- “Every best man speech has three parts: something funny, something embarrassing, and something sweet. I’m going to try to hit all three in the same sentence and see what happens.”
- “I was told to start with a joke, so here it is: [Groom] thought he could trust me with a microphone and an open bar. We’ll see how that works out for everyone.”
- “The good news is, this speech will be better than the last best man speech you heard. The bad news is, that’s not saying much.”
- “I’ve been to enough weddings to know that best man speeches fall into two categories: surprisingly good or surprisingly short. I’m aiming for surprisingly good, but I’ve prepared for surprisingly short.”
Timing and Delivery Tips
Your joke is only as good as your delivery. The funniest line in the world falls flat if you rush through it or bury it in nervous energy. Practice your opener until you can deliver it conversationally, not like you’re reciting lines.
Pause after your punchline. I know it feels like an eternity when you’re up there, but that pause gives people time to process and laugh. If you immediately jump to your next line, you’re stepping on your own joke. Trust the silence—it’s working for you, not against you.
Remember that confidence sells the joke more than perfection does. If you stumble slightly but keep going with a smile, people will forgive the stumble and remember the confidence. But if you apologize for every tiny mistake, you’re training the audience to focus on your nervousness instead of your humor.
The goal isn’t to become a stand-up comedian for five minutes. You’re a friend sharing a moment with people who want you to succeed. That warmth and authenticity will carry a decent joke much further than perfect timing will carry a mediocre one.
Trust yourself, trust your material, and remember—they’re already on your side.
