Traditional wedding vows are beautiful, but they’re not for everyone. Some couples want to bring laughter into their ceremony, whether it’s to ease their own nerves or simply because humor is a cornerstone of their relationship.
Here are thirty funny wedding vows that will have your guests chuckling—and maybe even tearing up—at the same time.
Silly Self-Deprecating Vows
These vows poke fun at yourself while celebrating your partner. They work particularly well if you’re naturally self-deprecating or if your partner is clearly “out of your league” (their words, not mine).
- “I promise to love you even when you discover that I’ve been using dry shampoo for three days straight and calling it ‘textured hair.'” This type of vow works because it’s relatable and shows you’re comfortable being vulnerable about your less-than-perfect habits.
- “I vow to continue pretending I understand what you’re talking about when you explain your job to people at parties.” Career-based humor hits home for many couples, especially when one person has a job that’s impossible to explain in casual conversation.
- “I promise to love you despite the fact that you’ve seen me attempt to cook and somehow still said yes to this marriage.” Food-related self-deprecation is always a winner because everyone has kitchen disasters.
- “I vow to never judge you for your music taste, even though you’ve heard mine and somehow still want to spend forever with me.” Music preferences are deeply personal, and this vow acknowledges that love transcends even the most questionable Spotify playlists.
Brutally Honest Relationship Vows
Sometimes the funniest vows are the ones that call out your partner’s quirks with loving honesty. These work best when both partners have a good sense of humor about their flaws.
- “I promise to love you even when you leave exactly one sip of milk in the carton and put it back in the fridge.” This vow addresses those tiny domestic irritations that somehow become endearing over time.
- “I vow to continue laughing at your jokes, even the ones you’ve told me seventeen times.” Repetitive storytelling is a relationship reality that deserves acknowledgment.
- “I promise to share my fries with you, even though you said you ‘weren’t hungry’ when we ordered.” The fry-stealing phenomenon is so universal it’s practically a love language.
- “I vow to love you even when you insist on reading me funny memes that aren’t actually funny.” Digital age relationships come with their own special challenges, and meme-sharing is definitely one of them.
Pop Culture and Reference Humor
These vows incorporate familiar references that your guests will recognize. They work well if you and your partner bond over shared fandoms or if pop culture is a big part of your relationship.
- “I promise to love you more than Jim loves Pam, and that’s saying something because I’ve seen The Office fourteen times.“ TV show references are gold, especially when they involve beloved couples.
- “I vow to be the Robin to your Batman, even though we both know I’m more of a Robin to your other Robin.” Superhero references can be tweaked to fit your dynamic.
- “I promise to love you even when you quote The Princess Bride at inappropriate moments, which is always.” Classic movie quotes are fair game, especially from films that are endlessly quotable.
- “I vow to continue watching Marvel movies with you, even though I still don’t understand the timeline and at this point I’m afraid to ask.” This acknowledges the sacrifice of sitting through your partner’s obsessions while admitting your own confusion.
Food and Domestic Life Humor
Marriage is largely about sharing domestic space, and food is often at the center of relationship dynamics. These vows celebrate the mundane realities of living together.
- “I promise to always let you have the last slice of pizza, unless I’m really hungry, in which case we’ll arm wrestle for it.” Food sharing is serious business in relationships, and this vow acknowledges that love has its limits.
- “I vow to continue pretending I don’t notice when you eat ice cream straight from the container at midnight.” Late-night snacking habits are often sources of gentle shame, making this vow both funny and sweet.
- “I promise to love you even when you put pineapple on pizza, even though it hurts my soul.” Food preferences can be deeply divisive, and this vow shows that love conquers even the most controversial topping choices.
- “I vow to take turns doing dishes, except when it’s my turn, in which case I’ll find creative ways to avoid it until you give up and do them yourself.” Domestic chore negotiations are a marriage reality that deserves honest acknowledgment.
Technology and Modern Life Vows
Contemporary relationships involve navigating technology together, from social media to streaming services. These vows address the digital age challenges couples face.
- “I promise to love you even when you use all our shared streaming service profiles and I have to watch Netflix as ‘Guest User.'” Streaming service etiquette is a modern relationship challenge that many couples navigate.
- “I vow to continue pretending your Instagram posts are spontaneous, even though I know you took forty-seven photos to get that ‘candid’ shot.” Social media reality versus presentation is something most couples understand intimately.
- “I promise to love you even when you leave me on read for three hours and then respond with ‘k.'” Texting dynamics in relationships can be sources of both frustration and humor.
- “I vow to share my Netflix password with you, which is basically a marriage proposal in 2024.” Password sharing is the modern equivalent of giving someone your house key.
Quirky Personal Habits Vows
Every person has weird habits, and marriage means accepting and loving those quirks. These vows celebrate the strange little things that make your partner uniquely them.
- “I promise to love you even when you insist on narrating everything you’re doing while you’re doing it, like you’re hosting your own cooking show in our kitchen.” Some people are natural commentators on their own lives, and this vow lovingly acknowledges that tendency.
- “I vow to continue finding it charming when you talk to our houseplants, even though I’m pretty sure they’re judging us.” Plant parents often develop relationships with their green children, and this vow celebrates that quirky devotion.
- “I promise to love you even when you rearrange the dishwasher after I’ve already loaded it, because apparently I ‘don’t understand spatial relationships.'” Dishwasher loading is surprisingly controversial in many relationships.
- “I vow to accept that you will always be the person who reads the instruction manual, even for things that clearly don’t need instruction manuals.” Different approaches to problem-solving can be sources of gentle relationship humor.
Self-Aware Commitment Vows
These vows acknowledge the absurdity of making lifetime promises while also celebrating the leap of faith that marriage represents.
- “I promise to love you forever, or at least until one of us develops an unhealthy obsession with competitive reality TV.” This vow acknowledges that “forever” is a big concept while still making the commitment.
- “I vow to grow old with you, even though we both know I’m going to complain about my back the entire time.” Aging together is part of the marriage package, and this vow faces that reality with humor.
- “I promise to love you even when we’re both too old to remember why we fell in love in the first place, at which point we’ll just have to trust past us.” Memory loss fears get addressed with gentle humor while still affirming the commitment.
- “I vow to continue choosing you every day, even on days when you choose to wear socks with sandals.” Daily choice is what marriage really involves, and this vow acknowledges that some days will test that commitment more than others.
Playfully Competitive Vows
If your relationship involves a lot of friendly competition, these vows celebrate that dynamic while still expressing love and commitment.
- “I promise to love you even when you beat me at board games, which you will, because you’re annoyingly good at everything.” Competitive couples can acknowledge their dynamics while still expressing admiration.
- “I vow to continue letting you win at mini golf, even though we both know I’m clearly the superior athlete.” Playful competition can be a love language, and this vow celebrates that while claiming superiority.
- “I promise to love you even when you’re right, which happens more often than I’d like to admit.” Being wrong is hard, but this vow acknowledges that your partner’s correctness is something to celebrate rather than resent.
- “I vow to share my victories with you and blame you for my defeats, as is traditional in marriage.” This vow playfully acknowledges how couples often become teams in facing the world.
Sweet Conclusion Vows
These vows end on a funny note while still delivering genuine emotion. They work well as the final vow in a longer set or as standalone statements.
- “I promise to love you even when we’re both tired, cranky, and arguing about whose turn it is to take out the trash, because that’s probably when we’ll need love the most.” Real love happens in unglamorous moments, and this vow acknowledges that truth.
- “I vow to continue thinking you’re the funniest person I know, even when you’re not trying to be funny, especially when you’re not trying to be funny.” Unintentional humor is often the best kind, and this vow celebrates finding joy in your partner’s everyday existence.
The best funny wedding vows feel authentic to your relationship while still being accessible to your guests. They should make people laugh, but they shouldn’t make anyone uncomfortable or confused about why you’re actually getting married.
The goal is to show your love through humor, not to roast your partner into oblivion.
Remember that funny vows work best when they’re balanced with genuine emotion. Your guests want to laugh, but they also want to believe in your love story.
The most memorable funny vows are the ones that make people think, “That’s so them,” while also making them tear up a little bit.
