Standing up to give a wedding toast as a parent doesn’t have to feel like delivering a State of the Union address. Your kid’s getting married, not running for office. The best toasts blend genuine emotion with just enough humor to keep Uncle Bob from dozing off during the reception.
Here are eight ready-to-use toasts that hit the sweet spot between heartfelt and hilarious. Swap out the names, add your own stories, and nobody has to know you had help.
1. The “We Survived Your Teenage Years” Toast
“Good evening, everyone. I’m [Parent’s Name], [Bride/Groom’s Name]’s [mother/father], though after tonight I’ll proudly add [New Son/Daughter-in-Law’s Name]’s [mother/father-in-law] to my resume.
When [Child’s Name] was sixteen, they announced they were becoming a vegetarian, getting a tattoo, and moving to Tibet to find themselves. By dinner, they’d settled for a henna tattoo and extra vegetables on their pizza. That’s when I knew two things: my child had big dreams, and they’d eventually find someone patient enough to navigate those dreams with them.
[Spouse’s Name], you are that person. You’ve mastered the art of listening to [Child’s Name]’s grand plans for reorganizing the kitchen at midnight, their sudden passion for urban beekeeping, and that phase where they tried to learn the accordion. For this alone, you deserve a medal. Or at least a really nice honeymoon.
But here’s what matters: you make each other laugh. Even when [Child’s Name] accidentally dyed all your white clothes pink in the laundry. Even when you, [Spouse’s Name], tried to ‘fix’ the WiFi and we had to call tech support. Twice.
Marriage is finding someone whose weird matches your weird. And watching you two together, I can confidently say you’re perfectly matched weirdos.
So here’s to love, laughter, and a lifetime of beautiful chaos together. Cheers!”
2. The “Technology-Challenged Parent” Toast
“Hello everyone, I’m [Parent’s Name]. I was going to start this speech with a PowerPoint presentation, but [Child’s Name] gently reminded me that nobody does that at weddings. Apparently, it’s also not appropriate to live-tweet the ceremony, which I learned… during the ceremony.
[Child’s Name] and [Spouse’s Name] met online, which still baffles me. In my day, you met someone at the grocery store, usually when you both reached for the last good cantaloupe. But these two found each other in the vast wilderness of the internet, somewhere between cat videos and whatever a ‘meme’ is.
I’ll admit, I was skeptical. How well can you really know someone from their profile picture and their opinion on pineapple pizza? But then I watched [Child’s Name] light up every time their phone buzzed with a message from [Spouse’s Name]. I saw them spend hours video chatting, laughing at inside jokes I didn’t understand, speaking in a language that seemed to consist entirely of emoji and GIF reactions.
And when they finally met in person, it was like watching two puzzle pieces click together. If those puzzle pieces immediately started debating whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie. (It is, by the way. [Spouse’s Name], we need to talk.)
[Spouse’s Name], you’ve taught our family that love can bloom anywhere, even in the comment section of a Reddit thread about the best way to organize a bookshelf. You’ve shown infinite patience explaining cryptocurrency, TikTok, and why we can’t just print more money to solve everything.
To the happy couple: may your WiFi always be strong, may your phones always be charged, and may you always remember to look up from your screens and into each other’s eyes. Cheers!”
3. The “Embarrassing Childhood Stories” Toast
“Good evening! I’m [Parent’s Name], and I’ve been waiting approximately [Child’s Age] years to tell these stories to a captive audience.
[Child’s Name] was the kind of kid who once tried to pay for ice cream with Monopoly money, arguing quite convincingly that it was ‘basically the same thing.’ The same child who named their goldfish ‘Dog’ and their hamster ‘Grandma’ just to watch people’s confused faces.
At age seven, they set up a ‘restaurant’ in our living room, serving water in different cups and calling it ‘soup of the day.’ The bill? Seventeen dollars. Plus tip. Cash only. [Spouse’s Name], I hope you’re better at negotiating with them than we were.
But here’s the thing about [Child’s Name] – that creativity, that ability to see the world just a little bit differently, that’s exactly what makes them special. It’s what drew [Spouse’s Name] to them, even after [Child’s Name] showed up to their third date wearing two different shoes. On purpose. As a ‘conversation starter.’
[Spouse’s Name], you beautiful, patient soul. You not only tolerate these quirks, you celebrate them. You were the one who framed [Child’s Name]’s napkin doodle from your first date. You’re the one who plays along when they insist on making up new lyrics to every song on the radio.
You two have built a relationship on laughter, on not taking yourselves too seriously, on finding joy in the ridiculous. Like when you got lost on that road trip and ended up at a Renaissance fair, so you just… stayed. In regular clothes. And somehow won the jousting competition.
May your marriage be filled with inside jokes, spontaneous adventures, and the kind of love that makes everyone else roll their eyes while secretly wishing they had what you have. To the bride and groom!”
4. The “We Thought This Day Would Never Come” Toast
“I’m [Parent’s Name], and I’d like to start by admitting something: we had a betting pool on when [Child’s Name] would get married. I lost. By about seven years.
[Child’s Name] once told us they wouldn’t get married until they found someone who could beat them at Scrabble, appreciated their extensive collection of vintage lunch boxes, and didn’t judge them for eating cereal for dinner. Three times a week.
We watched them go through what we’ll generously call ‘a series of learning experiences.’ There was the person who didn’t believe in using turn signals. The one who thought The Office was ‘just okay.’ The individual who put ketchup on steak. Dark times.
Then [Spouse’s Name] came along. First thing we noticed? They actually won at Scrabble. With ‘quixotic’ on a triple word score. [Child’s Name] was simultaneously furious and smitten.
But beyond the Scrabble victories, [Spouse’s Name], you saw our wonderful, weird, occasionally infuriating child for exactly who they are. And somehow, miraculously, you wanted more. You wanted Sunday mornings with their bedhead. You wanted their 2 AM philosophical questions about whether fish get thirsty. You wanted their elaborate theories about what dogs are really thinking.
You two have proven that the best relationships aren’t about finding someone perfect. They’re about finding someone whose imperfections fit perfectly with yours. Like when [Child’s Name] forgets to close cabinet doors and you forget to turn off lights – together, you’re almost one functioning adult.
So here’s to love that’s worth waiting for, even if it means losing a bet to [Other Parent’s Name]. Cheers to the happy couple!”
5. The “Our Baby Is All Grown Up” Toast
“Hi everyone, I’m [Parent’s Name], though for the past [Age] years, I’ve primarily answered to ‘Mom/Dad,’ ‘Can I have five dollars?’ and ‘I promise I’ll clean my room tomorrow.’
I remember when [Child’s Name] was four and announced they were going to marry their best friend from preschool, the dog, and possibly their favorite dinosaur toy. The wedding was scheduled for ‘after snack time’ and everyone was invited except vegetables.
Fast forward [Number] years, and here we are at an actual wedding. With actual flowers instead of dandelions picked from the yard. With a real cake that nobody has licked when they thought no one was looking. Progress.
[Spouse’s Name], when you first came to dinner, [Child’s Name] warned you about our family’s competitive board game nights, my tendency to show baby photos to anyone who stands still long enough, and [Other Parent’s Name]’s belief that every meal needs ‘just a little more garlic.’
You didn’t run. In fact, you asked to see more baby photos. You learned our family’s made-up card game with its ever-changing rules. You even pretended to enjoy my experimental cooking phase. We knew you were a keeper when you asked for seconds of my infamous ‘surprise casserole.’ Nobody asks for seconds.
Watching you two together is like watching [Child’s Name]’s childhood dreams come true, just with better fashion choices and legal documentation. You still laugh at the silly things. You still make blanket forts, though now you call them ‘cozy movie nights.’ You still have that sense of wonder, just with better credit scores.
[Child’s Name], you’ll always be my baby who tried to teach the cat to play fetch. [Spouse’s Name], welcome to our beautifully chaotic family. May your love story be everything a four-year-old would dream of, minus the dinosaur. Unless you’re into that. We don’t judge. Cheers!”
6. The “DIY Disaster” Toast
“Good evening, I’m [Parent’s Name]. Some of you know me as the person who almost burned down the reception venue during the rehearsal dinner. With a candle. And enthusiasm.
When [Child’s Name] announced their engagement, they also announced they’d be DIY-ing the entire wedding. ‘How hard can it be?’ they said. ‘Pinterest makes it look easy,’ they said. Six hot glue gun burns and one unfortunate incident with edible glitter later, here we are.
[Spouse’s Name], you’re a saint. You held the ladder during the great ‘We Can Totally Hang Our Own String Lights’ debacle. You taste-tested seventeen versions of homemade wedding favors, even the batch that somehow tasted like soap. You learned calligraphy just to address invitations, though your Q’s still look suspicious.
But that’s what love is, isn’t it? It’s holding hot glue sticks at 2 AM while your partner insists they’ve ‘almost figured out’ how to make paper flowers. It’s pretending the lopsided centerpieces are ‘rustic charm.’ It’s being each other’s cheerleader, craft assistant, and voice of reason – though rarely all at the same time.
This wedding is beautiful not because everything went according to plan, but because nothing did, and you both rolled with it. The flowers might be slightly wilted, one of the groomsmen is wearing sneakers because we forgot dress shoes, and yes, that is duct tape holding up the photo booth. But look around this room. Everyone’s smiling, everyone’s celebrating, and everyone’s covered in a light dusting of craft glitter that will never fully wash out.
To [Child’s Name] and [Spouse’s Name]: may your marriage be like your wedding planning – full of laughter, creative solutions, and the ability to find beauty in the imperfect. Also, maybe hire professionals next time. Cheers!”
7. The “Pet Parents” Toast
“Hello, I’m [Parent’s Name], proud parent of [Child’s Name] and grandparent to two cats, a dog, and what I’m pretty sure is an immortal goldfish.
When [Child’s Name] first brought [Spouse’s Name] home, we knew it was serious because the cats actually liked them. Mr. Whiskers, who treats most humans like furniture that occasionally provides food, actually sat on [Spouse’s Name]’s lap. Voluntarily. Without biting.
These two didn’t just fall in love with each other; they created a blended family of fur babies. [Spouse’s Name] came with [Pet Name], who had very specific opinions about everything. [Child’s Name] brought [Pet Name], who thinks they’re a much smaller animal than they actually are. Watching them all learn to coexist was like watching a Disney movie directed by someone with a sense of humor.
There was the Great Bed Territory War of [Year]. The Infamous Catnip Incident. That time both dogs learned to open the treat cabinet and threw themselves a party. [Child’s Name] and [Spouse’s Name] handled it all with the patience of saints and the problem-solving skills of NASA engineers.
But here’s what their pets taught me about their relationship: they’re a team. When [Pet Name] ate an entire birthday cake, they didn’t blame each other. They tag-teamed the vet visit and the carpet cleaning. When they couldn’t agree on whether pets belong on furniture, they compromised – pets on furniture, but only with their special blankets. Which the pets immediately ignored, but it’s the thought that counts.
[Spouse’s Name], you won our hearts the day you showed up with homemade dog treats and toys for the cats. You understood that loving [Child’s Name] meant loving their entire zoo. You even pretended not to notice when [Pet Name] ate your shoe. The expensive one.
To the happy couple: may your home always be filled with love, laughter, and just enough pet hair to remind you that the best families are the ones you choose. And sometimes, the ones that choose you by showing up at your door and refusing to leave. Cheers!”
8. The “Adventure Buddies” Toast
“Good evening everyone, I’m [Parent’s Name]. I’ve been instructed to keep this speech shorter than [Child’s Name]’s story about that time they got lost in IKEA. So here we go.
[Child’s Name] has always been an adventurer. At five, they packed a suitcase with stuffed animals and graham crackers and announced they were moving to the backyard. At fifteen, they tried to convince us that a road trip to see the world’s largest ball of twine was ‘educational.’ At twenty-five, they actually did it. And dragged [Spouse’s Name] along.
[Spouse’s Name], you magnificent human, you not only survived that road trip, you suggested a detour to see the world’s largest rocking chair. That’s when we knew you were perfect for each other. You’re the person who says ‘yes’ to [Child’s Name]’s wild ideas, but also remembers to pack snacks and check if the car has gas.
Together, you’ve turned life into one grand adventure. You’ve gotten lost in three different countries, somehow always finding the best hole-in-the-wall restaurants in the process. You’ve taken cooking classes where neither of you spoke the language. You tried to learn the tango and ended up inventing your own dance that’s part waltz, part interpretive seizure.
But adventures aren’t always about big trips and grand gestures. Sometimes it’s trying to assemble furniture without instructions because ‘how hard can it be?’ Sometimes it’s deciding to paint the bathroom at 11 PM on a Tuesday. Sometimes it’s seeing who can make the other laugh first in the morning – a game [Spouse’s Name] usually wins because [Child’s Name] is not a morning person. At all.
Your life together is proof that the best adventures are the ones where you have someone to laugh with when everything goes wrong. And based on your track record, things will go wonderfully, hilariously wrong. The GPS will fail. The tent will leak. You’ll accidentally order sheep brain at a restaurant. Again.
But you’ll be together, turning every mishap into a story, every wrong turn into a new discovery. So here’s to a lifetime of adventures, big and small, planned and accidental. May you always find your way back to each other, even when you can’t find your way out of IKEA. Cheers!”
Each of these toasts runs about 2-3 minutes when spoken aloud – long enough to be meaningful, short enough to hold attention.
Pick the one that matches your family’s vibe, plug in your own details, and remember: the best wedding toasts come from the heart, even if that heart needed a little help finding the right words.
The beauty of a parent’s toast isn’t perfection. It’s showing up, raising your glass, and letting your kid know that you’re proud of them and thrilled about the person they’ve chosen.
Everything else – the jokes, the stories, the slightly embarrassing memories – that’s just the cherry on top of the wedding cake.
Now stop reading and start practicing. You’ve got this.
