Receiving a wedding invitation in the mail — or through email — is a wonderful feeling. For one, you get to witness the celebration of a friend’s or relative’s union. However, what if you do not receive an invitation and only hear about the wedding from a friend? How to deal with hurt feelings because you weren’t invited to a wedding?
If you are not invited to a wedding, it can understandably cause some hurt feelings. The first step to healing and finding closure is determining why you were not invited in the first place. Acknowledging how you feel is also an essential aspect of this journey. The rest of the steps, along with detailed explanations for each step, are below.
Having Hurt Feelings Because You Weren’t Invited to a Wedding?
Find Out the Reason
Try to objectively figure out why you are not invited to a wedding. The bride and groom usually have reasons why they have to cut down their guest list, such as:
- They have financial constraints, necessitating fewer guests.
- They have reached the maximum number of guests allowed in the wedding venue.
- They will hold a destination wedding, which might be too expensive with a lot of guests.
- Only the people in their circle — close relatives, close friends — are invited.
- You have a disagreement, fight, or grudge that has not been resolved.
- You have irreconcilable, different views and stances on issues.
- You were not close in the first place, only distant relatives or acquaintances.
- You are not close to the couple anymore.
If you have any existing issues with the couple, remember that a wedding is not the time for reconciliation. The bride-to-be and groom-to-be already have a lot on their mind; give them space and understanding.
In some cases, the couple might call the people who did not make it on their guest list. They might take this opportunity to apologize and explain their reason. Additionally, they might invite you to a smaller celebration, such as lunch or dinner.
If you did not get this call, asking the couple yourself why you are not invited to a wedding is an option. You can send a message or an email. However, remember to stay cordial and avoid being confrontational.
Acknowledge How You Feel
Do you feel left out? Do you feel confused because you thought you and the couple were close? Do you feel hurt?
Remind yourself that your feelings are valid. Let yourself feel the way you feel, and take your time.
However, as much as your emotions are valid, not every way to cope with and manage them is valid.
Practice Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Positive coping mechanisms are excellent tools to have in general. If left unmanaged, hurt feelings — not being invited to a wedding sucks — might manifest in passive-aggressive, childish, or manipulative behavior.
As such, equip yourself with effective and healthy coping mechanisms. It might take time to find the ones that work for you, but after some trial and error, you might determine the best skills to practice in times of negativity. Here are some examples:
- Cognitive reframing. Reassess the situation and view it from a different perspective. For example, instead of thinking, “They did not invite me,” you should look at it as “They were not able to invite me because of [reason].”
- Journaling. Write your emotions down. Explore the roots of your pain and hurt. Reflect on why you may not have been invited, resulting in hurt feelings. Laying out your thoughts this way can help you be more objective about the situation.
- Meditating. According to Headspace, meditating is “about training in awareness and getting a healthy sense of perspective.” Try to set aside at least five minutes of your day to dedicate to breathing, clearing your mind, and being in tune with your spirituality.
- Finding the silver lining. Look for the good, the advantages of your situation. For one, you do not have to spend money on transportation, attire, styling, accommodation, and more. Instead of going to a wedding, you have a weekend all to yourself to do whatever you want.
- Talking. Find someone you trust, ask them if they are in a good headspace, and talk to them about your feelings. If you want, you can also ask them for advice. You can approach your friend, relative, therapist, or another person, about this topic.
- Self-distracting. If you just need to turn your mind off for a moment, try self-distracting. Activities include watching a movie, cooking, listening to music, and exercising. However, remember to keep self-distraction controlled and moderate.
Repeat Positive Affirmations
For an additional boost of assurance, consider incorporating some positive affirmations into your day. It can help you heal from hurt feelings after not being invited to a wedding.
Here are some affirmations to try:
- I am complete.
- I do not need anyone’s validation.
- I am in the right place at the right time doing the right thing.
- I am loved for who I am
- I am not too much nor too little.
- There are people who love and support me.
- I can get through everything.
- My heart is open to forgiveness and healing.
- More opportunities are coming my way.
- Other people do not define me.
- I am good enough.
- I am valued.
- I am worthy.
- I am kind to myself.
- I welcome what is here and what will come.
If it works for you, why not make it a daily habit?
If you have the time and budget, consider celebrating yourself as a form of closure. Travel to a new state or country. Go museum-hopping. Go on a road trip across Route 66. Invite a friend and go along on a wine trail. Try that restaurant you have been meaning to visit or host a potluck with your friends and family.
Whatever and however it is you want to celebrate, do it.
So, if you weren’t invited to a wedding how should you deal with hurt feelings? At the end of the day, the couple’s wedding is not about you — or any of their guests, really. Remind yourself not to take it too personally if you have hurt feelings from not being invited to a wedding.
Likewise, remember that just because you are not invited to a wedding, it does not mean you are not invited to the rest of your life. There are plenty of other ways to celebrate the newlyweds’ union, such as an afterparty or an at-home meal.